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In a 2017 study, 97% of women who received doula support said it “helped” their miscarriage experience, although it had no tangible impact on medical outcomes, such as pain scores. I asked Arden Cartrette if her doula work is becoming more recognized. “Not only is my work in high demand, but the number of health professionals who work with me to provide support is also increasing,” she said. These days, she regularly receives referrals from midwives and fertility specialists.
During the class, Whiting told me about a process called microchimerism. Even early in pregnancy, fetal cells cross the placenta and enter the mother’s bloodstream, where they can persist for decades—even forever. “They’re really with us, and we change because of them,” she observed. It was comforting to think that pregnancy wasn’t a total abyss—in a way, I could move forward with it. Just as a more “traditional” birth doula might use massage or essential oils, Whiting has a range of tools to guide her clients through it. She calls the process “an inner winter, a time of letting go and recovery.” Some of her suggestions are practical, like informing me about the new baby loss certificate issued by the UK government. Others are best filed under “alternatives” (see: vaginal steaming). How helpful you find them may depend on how open you are to flirting. Her focus was “hematopoiesis” after a miscarriage, for which she created a customized self-care kit. Mine included iron-rich foods, supplements, and nettle tea. She showed me a kit over Zoom. It was beautifully handwritten and colorfully colored “with love and intention for each client.” Aside from the nettle tea, it was nice to receive something handcrafted just for me—a stark contrast to the printed flyer I’d been handed two months earlier.
We met online a few weeks after my miscarriage. The session began with each of us lighting a candle, creating a virtual cocoon between us. I found Whiting to be a relatable therapist, a source of practical guidance who was also (as she put it) “a little different.” She looked exactly as I expected: flowing hair, flowing dresses, rings on her fingers dotted with tiny tattoos. I couldn’t pinpoint why, but I felt instantly soothed by her, so when she asked me what had happened, I told her everything—even the things I thought I’d forgotten. My blood tests came back normal, and there was no underlying medical reason why it had happened, I said. “Like nature, not every seed can sprout, not every season brings a harvest,” she said. “Our bodies know which seeds are healthy, which are not, and when the right time is to bloom.” In that way, my body, which I had cursed for failing, did what it was designed to do. It was a powerful approach.
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