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But in terms of how we treat our body, an attempt at moral purity is both impossible and useless. It was the conundrum of my twenties to care about fat positivity and also understand the realities of life when it comes to my aching knees. It’s still a conundrum to me now. And when it comes to matters of the body in society there is no morally pure way to be. The bad parts of society win when we internalize a moral code or a beauty standard that is designed to make us fail.
This new distance between yourself and your reflection, put there by whatever moral compass you live by and however you’ve breeched it, is the feeling they were talking about. There are some shitty things we do that make us feel shitty about ourselves, which might spill over into the way we feel about how we look. So you sent a nude to your best-friends ex? That’s bad. You walked out of an independent restaurant and you know they forgot to put the mains on the check? Not great.
I was reminded of these impossible decisions last month when a friend of mine took his second dose of Ozempic. He messaged me the following: “Would you rather be thin and have vertigo, or fat and able to walk without wanting to pass out?” And it became an actual debate, one which on the surface sounds easy to answer in this world of self-love at any weight. But the toxic parts of us were forced into a spiral. We went round and round deciding that what we really want is to not think about food and weight and desire and morality all the time. And there is no drug for that. When he eventually called his doctor about the dizziness, the doctor said “great that the weight is coming off!”
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